I Matter...You Matter Too (Continued)

 

As promised in my previous post, the following educational information/FYI is shared courtesy of the

Depression is not a normal part of growing older, and it should never be taken lightly. Unfortunately, depression often goes undiagnosed and untreated in older adults, and they may feel reluctant to seek help. Symptoms of depression may be different or less obvious in older adults, such as:

• Memory difficulties or personality changes

• Physical aches or pain

• Fatigue, loss of appetite, sleep problems or loss of interest in sex — not caused by a medical condition or medication

• Often wanting to stay at home, rather than going out to socialize or doing new things

• Suicidal thinking or feelings, especially in older men

If you think you may hurt yourself or attempt suicide, call 911 in the U.S. or your local emergency number immediately. Also consider these options if you're having suicidal thoughts:

• Call your doctor or mental health professional.

• Contact a suicide hotline.

• In the U.S., call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Lifeline Chat. Services are free and confidential.

• U.S. Veterans/Service Members who are in crisis can call 988 and then press “1” for the Veterans Crisis Line. Or text 838255. Or chat online.

• LGBTQ+ people under 25 can access LGBTQ+ support on either 988 Crisis Chat or Text from 3 p.m. to 2 a.m. Eastern, daily.

• The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the U.S. has a Spanish language phone line at 1-888-628-9454 (toll-free).

• Reach out to a close friend or loved one.

• Contact a minister, spiritual leader or someone else in your faith community.

If you have a loved one who is in danger of suicide or has made a suicide attempt, make sure someone stays with that person. Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately. Or, if you think you can do so safely, take the person to the nearest hospital emergency room.

I Matter...You Matter Too!

 

So my daughter came to me asking if I had heard the news about Ellen DeGeneres’ DJ. As I don’t really watch her show, I wasn’t aware of who she was referring to, so, I went on about my day, not giving it a second thought. Once my day was over, I decided to go down the ‘Rabbit Hole’ and was scrolling through Twitter (or at least, what’s left of it - ‘sour face’), and saw that the hashtag “RIP tWitch” was trending.

So, my curiosity being piqued, I went and scrolled through the feed and realized that they were referring to Ellen’s DJ.

In my scrolling, I learned that he wasn’t just a TV DJ, but was a rather well-known choreographer, who was a part of ‘So You Think You Can Dance’. Even viewed a video that he had posted three (or so) days prior to his passing, of him dancing with his wife to one of the latest dance challenges that’s all over Tik Tok, in celebration of their anniversary. The joy that was on both of their faces was not only indescribable, but also so damn infectious. One couldn’t help but smile along with the both of them.

Then I read the caption…

It described just how well he evidently was at masking the inner turmoil that he was dealing with, as he had made the decision to take his life.

You hear people deny suicide all the time, because s/he was 'So Happy'. For some reason, the fact that folks are really good at masking their struggles hit home for so many people with his passing, and I can only assume it’s because of the video that HE shared. It hit home for me, because…I was ‘him’ at one point in my life.

Back in 2007, life was just kicking my ass…more than I could even attempt to describe. My spirit was BROKEN and I was ready and prepared to take the step and just end it. I went through the motions of getting my house and myself ‘prepared’, (because I wasn’t going to allow ‘them people to come in and find me in a house ‘out of order’. Even though my upbringing had admonished believers that suicide was a sin, I wasn’t going to be dissuaded. I wrote the notes, (one to my baby girls and one for ‘others’)…got the pills…something to drink…and was just waiting for my babies to call it a night. 

Looking back at it, I now realize that YAH wasn’t ready for me to leave yet...that I evidently had more work to do. Without diverting from the story too much, my biological father and I have had a ‘rocky’ relationship (after finding out that he ‘existed’ back when I was around 15), but he would reach out occasionally. Not sure how long it had been since I had heard from him, but the phone rang and I saw that it was him. I contemplated not answering his call, but something pushed me to answer, and so I did.

When he heard my voice, he let me know that I was on his mind, wanted to call me and let me know:

“Kiddo…you ran across my mind…I just wanted to call you and tell that I love you and everything is going to be ok...’

Not sure why in that moment my spirit took to his words and I just broke. He wanted to know what was wrong, but I couldn’t talk, just told him ‘Thank You’ and ‘I Love You Too’, and got off the phone with him and cried like I’d never cried before…and just allowed my tears to be the ‘words’ that I couldn’t speak. I know, like I know, that had it not been for that call…that had I not answered, I wouldn’t be here today sharing this with you.

I understand how life can get so heavy and so dark, that you believe that the only way…the only answer in dealing - or not dealing - is to end it all. That pain…SMH…Father help us all!

Ten years later, I was officially diagnosed with MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER/CLINICAL DEPRESSION (a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest,) and it was during one of many therapy sessions, that I was able to process that what I had experienced back in ‘07 was a result of not knowing what was ‘wrong’ with me and so, not receiving treatment. I’m blessed that I took heed to the (unknown) intervention that was my Father and that although it took me ten long years to go seek help, that I did. I now understand that there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with me and it isn't a “weakness” that I can just simply "snap out" of. I’m not done with ‘depression’. It still shows up from time-to-time, with no rhyme or reason, but…I’ve used quite a few techniques that my (former) therapist shared with me to help me ‘get over the hump’, and they’re definitely helping.

If you’re reading this and can see yourself anywhere within any of these words, know that it was meant for you to be here. Please know, that no matter what it looks like right now, YOU BELONG HERE! 

You Are Not Alone…There Is Always Hope!

For my fellow believers, remember…

His Grace Is Sufficient!

Please know that I am praying for all those who are currently navigating the darkness that is depression. I also send up prayers for the friends and family of Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss. I can’t say I know what they are going through. I can only imagine that they are battling with questions unanswered. I pray that YAH will provide them all strength, peace, and serenity during this harrowing time intheir lives.

Until we talk again…

Kimberly

The Middle-Aged Minx™

P.S. In my next post, I'll be sharing some information courtesy of the Mayo Clinic.

40 Days of Intentions

 

So, about three (3) weeks ago, I happened to be going down the TikTok “Rabbit Hole” and happened to come across a video by Dr. Briana Whiteside (here’s the link to her TikTok), where she was discussing how she used the last 40 days of 2021 to declare and decree changes she would like to see happen/take place in her life for 2022. According to her video, the decrees started to take place as early as January of 2022! During the video, she challenged folks to join her in their own “40 Day Challenge”.

So, although I started late (I was supposed to start on November 22, 2022 and run through December 31, 2022...I didn't), I buckled down and wrote out my daily intentions so that I could catch up. Felt good about my accomplishment, but then realized, I could do better. Writing them down was definitely a good thing…

“Goals Not Written Down Are Just Wishes”

But I knew that I needed more than that. Having these goals written down in a book/on a notepad, that would just be thrown to the side, wasn’t going to help me. I knew that I needed to be able to SEE them - often - in order to be reminded of what I was asking the Father for. So, I went to the store and purchased some Post it notes and transferred these goals/intentions from that raggedy notebook onto the notes and then put them where I would NEVER miss them

My 40-Day of Intentions Wall

Thus far, there is a mix of personal, spiritual, materialistic, health-focused, as well as family-focused intentions listed, and there’s more to come. I’m truly excited about what the results will end up being and just how many of my INTENTIONS (versus “Resolutions”), actually come to fruition.

So how do you handle your INTENTIONS? I’d love to read from you as you may end up being a source of inspiration for me - and others!  So, SOUND OFF in the comments below!

Until Next Time...

Kimberly

The Middle-Aged Minx™